Because…

I genuinely thought this was about one of my sisters. What I did with my asshat father was send him one final email. I wrote it as though I was emailing an employer - very formal, very calm, no name calling or rudeness, just “for reasons x x and x, I have no reason to continue this relationship and henceforth consider it terminated. Do not contact me again.” Then move on. Don’t respond to any messages. Don’t even read them. Refuse to engage, and they lose.

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She’s embarrassed and ashamed, AFAB people are made to feel ashamed if they do those things.

What are you talking about? He’s entirely unreasonable.

Whether anything sexual happened is irrelevant, any time she gets to feeling "lonely and isolated" you will have another incident on your hands and eventually she will stop confessing and just leave you in the dark. You couldn't trust her alone for a couple weeks without this happening.

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So you both handled it poorly.

Is that really reason to end your entire contact with your dad?

You are 23 now. Putting aside how they pressured you. Was it unreasonable for them to want you to be respectful? You were angry at him but unfortunately his decisions weren’t based on your happiness. That’s a tough position for both of you.

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Pretty much, I had a horrendous time when I went to his house. I used to have to sit upstairs because I called his wife her full name rather than her nickname, and honestly, he never tried to engage with me at all because I wasnt friendly with his new wife, all the activities and everything was conditional on me accepting her, the literal week after he left.

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What is your actual problem with your dad? His messages are about him wanting you to talk with him. Though not empathetic, they aren’t unreasonable without a greater context.)

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I was in this situation exactly (minus the hours and hours),except it was my boyfriend that was slinking his snake after I fell asleep! I caught him OFTEN,and wasn’t uptight about him doing it,just that it would wake me up and as an insomniac,it’d take hours to fall back asleep! So I went down the same path of telling him its nothing to be ashamed of,just do it elsewhere or less “enthusiastically”,and he denied it every time too! Between the lying,him gaslighting me,and the sleepless nights,it ruined us! And to beat it all (no pun intended),when we had our last fight about it,he then offers this up: “My doctor says I have a chemical in my brain that makes me hyper sexual !” Too little,too late dude,AND WTF DIDNT YOU SAY THAT THE FIRST TIME YOU WOKE ME UP WITH IT?

He needs that test regardless of whether he wants to be a parent. If he doesn’t he’s financially stuck with that kid for 18 years regardless of whether it’s his.

And it’s not pessimistic to reconsider your options in this scenario. If you don’t want to be with a parent, that’s fully within your rights and in my opinion smart considering you’re 21. At bear minimum you should be taking a step back and reevaluating the situation

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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1. He says he will put in the work. What’s he done so far? Read recovery materials? Learned about how to rebuild trust?

2. Seeing her at work occasionally isn’t enough. He needs to be no contact. Do you feel safe knowing she’s there?

3. If he’s going to blame alcohol, what’s he doing about that? Only drinking with you present? AA? Something?

His words mean nothing. Watch his actions. His consistent actions over time will help rebuild trust. Nothing else.

that's not possible because my brown dad does not know that he's my bf :,

His mask slipped, he’s crying because he doesn’t want to lose his punching bag. He will be so sweet and so sad and then when he feels you’re hooked again, he will do worse.

Run, before it’s too late.

Buddy, I would recommend a seriously good therapist, your inflexibility and rigid stance are highly damaging. I hope you can find some peace, seriously.

And the doing it for hours every night

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Having trouble viewing comments, popping up as notifications but not seeing them. Working on it so I can reply.