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Good Lord🙄🙄🙄

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Hm, I’ve only been disappointed when taking back a cheater. Also, having such a huge issue within the first few months would make me think that it’s not worth my time and effort to invest even more into this. But you are not me and he isn’t the guys I dated.

Maybe have a look at the sub r/AsOneAfterInfidelity. You’ll find lots of resources on what is important for reconciliation there. Plus lots of people who are actively going through the process or have done so in the past/are considering it.

What’s definitely important to know is why he did it in the first place. Without that knowledge, who’s to say it won’t happen again? I’d also request to have an open device policy for both of you. Absolute transparency about who you both are spending time with and so on.. Also very important, if you decide on reconciliation you both need patience, especially him. Building trust back up properly takes a long time, so he needs to be understanding of occasional doubts or insecurities you may have.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Use your phone to tape it. She can’t deny it then.

Oy this is a lot.

I won't dig your hole deeper even though I want to, but you're shit for reading her journal.

Anyways -

You need to know that dreams do not mean as much as people give them credit for. Sure sometimes they do symbolize and resemble real life stresses, but certainly not always. Trauma does weird things to the brain where it thinks about things even when it doesn't want to. We all have weird and possibly dark thoughts ( like over sexualisation of your abuser) that you try to deal with. She wrote it in her journal. You read it. Idk how you're gonna deal with it but you better get the fuck over it for her sake because she deserves better than this.

Her brain is working through trauma from an abusive asshole and you’re crying me me me.

You fucked around and found out. I’d consider seeing a therapist to work through your insecurities before you destroy your marriage.

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It's the hypocrisy.

It sounds like he did try talking to her and expressing how this has affected him, but she's having none of it.

1. She's set one rule for him and another for herself.
2. her denying her hypocrisy is more important than her husband's mental health. And 3) you can only save a relationship with someone who is willing to be honest, open, listen , and compromise.

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Why would you want to waste time being a placeholder for someone who will jump at the chance to hook up with another young coworker that shows interest in him. How could you trust that he won’t fuck his female friends when he hangs out with them? He did it while you were out of town. Glad he told you because you would’ve never known. But he still sees and interacts with the girl regardless. All you would be doing is accepting him cheating on you and waiting for the next time that he does it. You could do something else with that time.

He has told me that he hasn’t, and this was his first time.

If you take him back he WILL cheat again and think that he wont be punished then either

Perfectly stated. If I were her partner I’d never believe a word she said. What other not so obvious things could she be so comfortable lying about? Soooo weird! I could never marry a person like this.

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There are three people in your relationship your boyfriend you and his mother. Leave whilst you still can and find someone that has time.

I am just going to put this here, but you are in the situation so you know best.

I knew a girl in college who was constantly at the doctor for her vagina/vulva, it was red and inflamed a lot of times and she was very confused and concerned. She even thought she could be being sexual assaulted in her sleep by the person sleeping in her dorm room. It was so bad and irritated. She went to several gynecologists, no one had answers, it just appeared to have scratches and be inflamed. She went to a sleep specialist because of her anxiety (nothing related to the vulva/vagina stuff) and she slept in a controlled environment for a few days. They found out she masturbated in her sleep. She always had long nails and that's what was causing it to always be red and inflamed. She got her sleeping meds, cut her nails and from the meds alone it appeared to help this.

I've also heard of a guy who did this too but in his ahole. Some people do masturbate when they sleep. But, again, you saw it happening you know it best.

Have a serious talk with her if you think she is just lying. This is affecting your mental health and there is nothing to be ashamed about, maybe even talk about masturbating in front of each other as foreplay if you are into it. But explain that you don't find it weird or off-putting, you even find it healthy and sexy. But the lying is getting to you and that is unacceptable.

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This whole thing is bizarre. And you being so obsessed is also bizarre. But one thing I think you need to consider here is that she is not awake when she is doing this. If she is not awake when she is doing this then she would not recall this happening and to her you are the one making up accusations and looking crazy. This is an actual thing maybe you should do some research on that and see if this is the case. Because you are basing your entire relationship on this accusation.

No, I could not. I wouldn’t be able to trust them ever again. Cheating is such a huge violation of trust to me and I know that I wouldn’t be able to forgive them. And he did this after only dating for five months?! You are being given a rare gift of finding out who your partner really is early, which usually doesn’t happen.

After I was cheated on, I got into a relationship with someone that is truly the most respectful, amazing, kind person and I would have never met him if I had spent my time trying to make something work with my ex that cheated. This man betrayed you within five months - find someone that actually deserves you.

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No, why would you. You now know for certain that he's someone who can cheat. If 5 months into a relationship, what's supposed to be the easiest time as you two learn about eachother and the prospects of building a life together he can't keep it in his pants what makes you think down the road when things actually get difficult he's not going to have another drunken accident.

Also dudes 40 there really is no excuse for this kind of action and I find him claiming it was a mistake is kind of ridiculous. if he didn't want to cheat he wouldn't have

Time to get the damn video camera out and get some real evidence because apparently pussy juice all over the sheets and hand isn’t evidence….

Literally the only advice I can come up with