Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

d19mc t1_j2a7r98 wrote

Nietzsche, the philosopher, might be able to help. By what you said, that he’s highly creative but at the same time seems codependent, his writings may put into words what he might be experiencing. I’d suggest Genealogy of Morals as a start. He might finally feel like he’s been ‘heard’.

This is a very offshot reply, and I don’t know if it’ll work, but I think that it’s worth a shot.

If you’ve done everything and there’s been no avail, I think that you’ll need to go up to your brother and tell him about how you’re feeling and tell him what you wish would happen. If this doesn’t, then I think that you may need to let him go. I know you suggested that your parents are also intertwined with this in a weird way so I’m not sure, but that’s the best that I can think of.

In the end, I feel that you may need to let him go and let him figure it out, but your judgement is better than mine.

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McSuzy t1_j2a7jhi wrote

You need to truly accept the fact that it is none of your business.

Your brother's failures are not your business and not your problem. You parents' decision to coddle to him is not your problem and not your business. Your grandmother's choice t house him is not your problem and none of your business.

It is very important that you manage your relationship with your family in a realistic and proactive way. Your mother will want to talk about your brother. Don't engage. Your parents aren't that interest in you. That's OK. Be civil, keep visits brief, and possibly reduce the frequency.

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Ponchovilla18 t1_j2a4k7w wrote

Dude, why are you so obsessed with her playing with herself? YOU are making it s bigger deal than it is, so what if she does, LEAVE IT ALONE. So what if she denies it, for whatever reason she doesn't feel comfortable admitting it. You're being a bit extreme thinking about ending it just because God forbid she doesn't want to tell you she's playing with herself.

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LeilaDFW t1_j2a1wtu wrote

Just block them, change your number if you must, send unopened mail back via “return to sender”. If you must send a last written request, get your attorney to. Don’t try handling this relationally. Consider it a legal issue. They aren’t going to change. Now, just so you know, 2 of my adult children went no contact with me strangely both are close to your age. I respect their decision but most won’t. I don’t agree I was abusive but I don’t question the validity of their perspective. I love my children and know I am me and they decided I was bad for them. Better just do what is best for you and don’t expect them to understand.

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Realistic-Airport775 t1_j2a1jyi wrote

So I feel like you see someone you like and who you think may make a great partner, if only he grew up, ditched his mothers rules, didn't stay out as often in his social circle, was comfortable being an adult and sleeping with you/in your home, didn't talk to other women, hid his phone use from you, was more open to physical touch and initated it more.

So I want to ask, if there are so many things that are not working for you, then do you think perhaps that there is more things that he would need to change than most?

The best successful relationships are about finding someone that fits with you without needing to change themselves in any way, or at least close enough that you can discuss things in an adult way and come to an agreement.

This person looks nothing like the person you want to be with at all and I feel (and this is my personal opinion) that you are feeling anxious about getting your own place and he has come along and your fears are grasping onto someone to help you get throught this period of life, he isn't going to do that and has proved already that he isn't.

His family dynamic is also all wrong for you as his mother rules the household with even his older brother bringing his partner over to the house, so no independence there either.

I am sorry but I would throw this one back into the sea and let him swim away and catch one closer to your goals and values.

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Away-Income-1540 OP t1_j29wbyv wrote

I have lately I’ve been keeping myself on a tight leash I’ve kept my phone out a lot more been telling her who I text and just been more of a trustworthy person like I’m doing my best to get on her good graces and I know it’s not gonna happen over night but I’m just hoping I didn’t screw up to much I know I fucked up hard real hard

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