Does she have hyper religious or controlling/conservative parents? Sounds like she has negative feelings around masturbation, like shame or trauma. I remember at school when a guy asked me and my girls friends if we masturbated and all my friends were like, "ew, no". It sounds like your fiancé is still stuck in that mindset, still sees it as this shameful thing she shouldn't claim.

You cannot come back from breaking the trust, just let bygones be bygones and learn from your mistake for your next relationship.

You can't just tell her that you won't do it again, you have to be able to prove it over the long haul. She may or may not be able to forgive you and move on, but it's not going to happen overnight.

She wants sex, but not from you. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for her to lie and gaslight you, none . IMO, any woman who turns down sex to masterbate is wanting and fantasizing about someone else, sorry but that's my personal opinion and the same can be said about men. Call everything off and get your ring back, because she just showed you what that she's a liar and manipulator and she doesn't care! This says everything about what kind of person she is and she just proved that you can't trust her. Find someone who WANTS you who won't lie and manipulate and gaslight you.

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Depends on so many things.

How long have you two been together? If we’re talking a few weeks to a few months, I don’t think it’s surprising or bad that he’s got plans that are independent of you, it’s just unfortunate that it coincides with your dad being ill. If you’ve been together for years, I think that he should be more serious and considerate about you and your needs.

Did you ask him to be with you for NYE? If you did and he ignored your wishes without talking to you about it, that would be hurtful. If you didn’t bring it up, he might not have thought about it much and decided to do what he was always going to do, in fact he might even be thinking that you guys need family time and he doesn’t want to intrude. Especially, again, if this is a newer relationship.

When did he make these plans? If it has been planned for weeks in advance, it makes more sense that he’d carry on with his plans. If they were only made after your dad went into hospital, I might be a little hurt if he didn’t ask me first, but again that depends on the first two points I.e. how long you’ve been together and if you actually asked him to be with you on NYE.

So let me get this straight: she thinks gaslighting you to the point you’re questioning your sanity is more appropriate than discussing something that makes her feel uncomfortable? Or is it the hypocrisy that’s making her lie her ass off?

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I don't see this as you messing up. You know those were non-sexual non-emotional messages from someone from the opposite gender and no matter how you explain to your GF that this is just a classmate you know her insecurity would have gone ape. She has unfortunately trained you to keep certain things away from her because she doesn't know how to handle her insecurities.

I have I’ve told her I screwed up and that I wouldn’t do anything like this again she seemed to have forgiven me at first but just recently in a fight she brought it up again

I have I’ve told her I screwed up and that I wouldn’t do anything like this again she seemed to have forgiven me at first but just recently in a fight she brought it up again

I would come completely clean to both her, and the other girl. Your avoidance of pushing the other girl completely away, is like leaving the back door open. It would read that way to your girlfriend who saw the messages also. They call those EAs or emotional affairs. I believe you never meant to cheat, and physically you did not. The more you come clean to her and see her point of view the more chance you have. The problem with dating is nobody is fully vested in the relationship. It may be hard to fix after this.

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What do you wish your boyfriend was doing on NYE instead?

You hid a relationship with another woman from your girlfriend. This is a betrayal of trust. Unless you realize that you were in the wrong to have done this, and are truly remorseful she will probably never be able to trust you again. If this really is the love of your life it's time to man up and admit that what you did was wrong, then all you can do is hope that she'll forgive you.

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Danger! Danger! Right now I see it as a bonus that you haven’t fully committed to this guy, because he is some combination of mamma’s boy and “not that into you”, and that’s fine if you want something casual, but you have to know that this guy is not commitment material.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

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Respect and intimacy are not mutually exclusive.