Recent comments in /f/LifeProTips

keepthetips t1_j11zlax wrote

Reply to LPT - screen shot photos to send to your boss to call out of work by Dull_Lavishness7701

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egnards t1_j10v6z5 wrote

Reply to LPT: some exes will ask for a final conversation for “closure” don’t fall for it. by Lexafaye

This is not a one and done type of tip and is highly situational.

You're right in that you never owe someone something, but just because a relationship ends doesn't mean that the two people do not love/care for each other legitimately, they may have just outgrown each other, or may have found that they have different goals in life that they're not willing to give up.

I would not provide this opportunity in cases where a person is known for being emotionally manipulative, or potentially dangerous.

I would provide this opportunity in cases where the love is still there, there is no [or very little] chance of falling back into the relationship, but where I still wished for the best for that person and cared about them.

Of all my relationships over the years, there is only one ex that I am on bad terms with for being an emotionally manipulative and toxic person. She got only exactly what she deserved, which was absolutely nothing. Everyone else? I wish them all the best in life, and even early in the "breaking" would do what I could to make it easier.

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SoraNoChiseki t1_j10ozxl wrote

Reply to LPT: some exes will ask for a final conversation for “closure” don’t fall for it. by Lexafaye

Kinda amazed at the comments on this one--this /is/ situation-specific advice, and having been through & taken years to identify "this other person doesn't actually see me or have any respect for me as a person, they just want me to obey them" the example is good to keep in mind as a red flag behavior. It's often the "dealing with this person is rough, but idk why" factor.

For those that don't get it, this is specifically where the person asking for closure has never actually listened, and you've brought up the issues that ultimately caused the breakup before, multiple times. So you've told them, and their responses were "no, you're wrong" and "I'm disqualifying that example, so unless you have a pile, that's not a valid issue" (except /all/ the examples would be disqualified or "wrong")

Obviously if you're objectively wrong on something, that's another matter (like, google says you're wrong tier), but if you're bringing up a behavior/communication/etc issue, a good partner isn't going to go "that doesn't count, you're wrong and your feelings are wrong". They're going to try & work with you, listen to what you're saying, and have a discussion about how they/you can do something about it together.

That "actually, you're wrong" response is just a red flag that a "closure" meeting won't actually close anything. You'd tell them why--which you would have already brought up multiple times & probably also in the breakup message/speech--and they would say you're wrong, and Clearly you should get back together because you're just misunderstanding everything.

And then you're in the high-emotion/tension situation of trying to convince them that yes, you're still breaking up even though they think you're wrong about & misunderstanding & "they know better than you", and you could have avoided it all with "no, I told you why we're breaking up" or similar instead of agreeing to help with "closure".

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