Interesting take you've got here.

English is maybe less traditional than other languages in the sense that the main goal, at least in America where I am from, is to communicate ideas as quickly as possible in as few words as possible. You can add a please before a request to be polite, but that’s about as much as you can do. The phrase “give me water” is said the exact same way whether you’re yelling at someone or calmly talking to someone. If you want to be nice you can say “please give me water” or add something to the statement like “please give me water if you wouldn’t mind” but no matter what words you add to it, the base of the phrase “give me water” always stays the same.

Also unfortunately, the people that tend to be the nicest are those looking to gain something from you, like those who want to get your money. Most people you talk to just want you to communicate ideas with them quickly, you of course also just want to communicate ideas quickly and easily. The only people who have an interest in trying very hard to be nice are those who want to gain something from your trust

You're very welcome; and yes, you may. I'm from the Netherlands.

How about you, kind stranger?

Thank you. May I ask you where you are from?

Graphite (powder) is also a good dry lubricant.

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<if you try to be any more polite people may begin to suspect you have alterior motives>→ really?? I've never thought like that. It's very different from my mother tongue. Englisg is very interesting.

Say please, if you'd like something. Thank you, if someone went out of their way to help you. You're welcome, if you helped someone out. Excuse me / I'm sorry if you don't want to be rude and want to ask for something. May I help you? to offer your service. I would like / may I please have, if you want something.

Not a native speaker either, but I've found this to be helpful on vacation or when directly approaching someone who I don't personally know

English doesn’t have a formal version of the language like French or German do. There’s no real equivalent to “vous” as a way to address someone or ask for something in a formal and polite manner. Saying “Would” and “could” following a “please” is honestly as polite as you’ll get with English. Everyone you speak to will be appreciative of that. No one you talk to will be insulted because you said can you do this instead of could you do this.

It seems like you’re creating a problem in your head OP, the things you already know are more than polite enough. Honestly, if you try to be any more polite people may begin to suspect you have alterior motives, like you’re trying to sell them something, and not trust you

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Why

I’ve been screaming at this screw for hours now.

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I give you my solemn word that I will never negotiate anything with you because I won't get anywhere.

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Take a business management class. They have them online and sometimes for free. It costs less to educate small biz owners than it does to try to collect their debts.

1. Develop an attitude of collaboration with yourself instead of obligation. Instead of "Oh fuck, I have to do all these chores" (the attitude of a child afraid of getting in trouble) try "future me will appreciate all these leftovers I'm about to make" or "I'm so exhausted, I can't clean up everything right now, but I'll still do the most important part so I don't feel overwhelmed tomorrow." Taking care of yourself isn't about earning praise or getting an A. It's about being on your own team & rooting for your own success.

2. Set small, achievable goals, and follow through on them. Keeping promises to yourself builds self trust and self-respect. These things do not appear overnight. They are earned through showing up consistently for yourself. Importantly, do not set yourself up to fail by starting with something too big! Baby steps. Literally it can be "make your bed in the morning" or "drink water." Choose the things that are easy and have a noticeable impact on your wellbeing. Have patience when you mess up and try again.

3. Basically, start thinking of yourself as your best friend. Literally simple things like using friendly pet names like "hon" or "buddy" when talking to yourself makes such a difference.

I saw this tiktok recently where a woman started every day talking to herself in the mirror the way she talks to her dog: "Hello precious! Aren't you just the cutest thing in the world? I love you, yes I do!" It sounds so dumb, but it helped shift the default voice in her head from being critical to being supportive. Like when something bad happened or she made a mistake, instead of immediately thinking "I'm such an idiot!" or "why does the the world hate me?" she would think "Oh no! That's a bummer, but we'll figure it out." Way more encouraging. If you notice that you're beating yourself up, interrupt that voice and say "hey, shut up. that's my friend you're talking about!"

If any of this sounds like not your voice, that's fine, change it to what you'd say. The important thing is treating yourself like your own ride-or-die. Practicing showing yourself the respect you'd show a best friend.

Most highly educated people are often still very stupid at things which are not related to their profession or education.

Funny, but this is also better most posts in this sub lately.

A nice change from: "LPT: all employers are evil" or "LPT: don't try to force alcohol on people"

If you are interested to get more technical with your thoughts, read on cognitive biases and CBT. It really helped me, but I realize it might not be for everyone. Doing so helped me to deconstruct my limiting beliefs and build new thoughts pattern (a new belief system) that are better suited for my enjoyment of life. I think life is all about evolution, each of my flaws and each conflict is a opportunity for character development. I think confidence comes from the knowledge that failure isn’t the end, it’s actually an opportunity to learn. If you don’t let it discourage you, you will get better until you can archive what you are aiming. If you don’t make the same mistakes over and over again, you’ll see a considerable shift in your thoughts, as you’ll notice you’re improving with each step, and eventually, you’ll notice your self-esteem rise. Chose what are the basis on which you determine your own self-worth, and work on that. It’s not immediate at all, but over time if you repeat something long enough, it’ll become true. For exemple, I previously based too much of my self worth from external validation and when I started this exercise, I thought it would be impossible to change that, but over a span of 1-2 years, I am not longer paralyzed over what people think of me because I kept saying to myself that I shouldn’t worry about what I couldn’t control. I am certainly not immune to the opinions of people around me, but it doesn’t stop me anymore from doing what I want and say what I think (in a respectful way). Hope it makes sense

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Always use chopsticks to eat hot chips.

In my experience, it was therapy what helped me leave behind those thoughts and beliefs.

You can try r/EMDR

Most damaging beliefs are the result of painful experiences that leave an impact on our brains. Therapy helped me identify the negative beliefs, identify the emotion behind them, identify the situation/s that caused it, and then (and this is the most difficult part) reconcíliate with the trauma and substitute the negative belief for a positive (and truer) idea.

It’s hard. That’s why one needs the help of a therapist to connect with these level of your identify! But I truly recommend it, and I wish you find a smart, honest, and well-prepared therapist.

Best!

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No that’s like 3-4 hours after my friend