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In my state, u have to prove a spouse is cheating with a PI in order to get a more favorable divorce status. I'll never know bc I am undesirable.

Insecurity lives in your teens and 20s. By your 30s you're like "heh, I'm not that fat."

This tip really ignores the reality a lot of people are going through. I was with my wife for ten years before I got suspicious, and I caught her because I went into her social media. I couldn't 'just break up' and if I'd confronted her she would have gaslit me (she gaslit me when I confronted her with PROOF but without the proof the gaslighting would have worked.) We have a child and a home and a life I couldn't just walk away from because of suspicions. I really felt like I was being a paranoid creep when I finally dipped into her social media, but there it was in full color, a photo of her and her best friend naked together that they'd sent to my best friend. God, that was not a good day.

​

Anyway, five years later, that friend is out of her life, we're still together and I don't know if I'll ever fully trust anyone again. Yay. Your advice is bad.

I'm so thankful my friends can talk to me about whatever that want because I fucking love them.

I'm thankful I have real friends that let me talk about what's on my heart.

/r/sadlycommon

You don't need evidence to break up. Sometimes it's better to walk away. Cheaters are going to continue to cheat, and confronting them with evidence isn't going to change anything. If you still feel like you can't trust them after talking about it, maybe it's time to break up. Healthy relationships require trust.

nah trust is earned just as much as it is expected. If you behave in an suspicious manner then don't expect people to trust you. but hey if you enjoy sharing your partner with another go for it.

Yes this . Same goes if you're innocent but under constant suspicion.

r/oddlyspecific

100% and it takes way more effort to stay out of it, than should be required. Hope you survive the holidays! :)

>wants to put the onus on the other person to break off the relationship

That's... ok? No one is under any obligation to stay with anyone else. Ever. Each person can say "not for me, thanks". There doesn't even have to be a reason that makes sense to the "breakee".

What about the people who do trust their spouse but their spouse is cheating on them?

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This is an overly generalized take. While I agree with the overall premise of the message you are conveying, there are many other unaccounted factors. "Just break up" is much easier when the person isn't someone you have been together with for 20 years, have 3 kids and built a life together with.

Yes, the healthy thing is to recognize when it's time to throw in the towel. But walking away from something like that is not that easy. Everyone's situation is different and I didn't want others in similiar situation to feel diminished and dismissed.

Especially at this time, don’t track locations.

(I’ve been driving all over town buying Christmas surprises for my husband. If he was tracking my location he’d think I had cheated 10 times in the last week.)

Treating me like i was guilty is what pushed me away. Shit was insufferable. He was literally in my phone, my fucking phone! I have fingerprint unlock how the fuck?

I think too though if it’s a legit misunderstanding by either party then both can come back from it. Adults talk shit out & if they can’t then it is really is doomed.

But yes it’ll be tiring if either is constantly suspecting things. I was sent on a spiral recently due to things my gf said w/o realizing contradictions & it even happened a 2nd time when I thought I would just clear it up & it made it murkier.

3rd time I brought it up though I had lost a bit of trust in them, but never questioned their intent still, even though I realized I also uncovered a thing that most people might have freaked out over & been accusatory over.

She was definitely defensive as she assumed I was implying accusations w/o actually making them fully. I think she’s either thought I wasn’t being direct enough or that I was thinking like her ex, either case was wrong though. I just wanted an honest conversation of the matter.

She then had her own blow up w/ me 2-3 weeks later over something I meant aaa joke & light heartedly as if I was being serious. Although even if I was serious I didn’t see it mattering much given what we were discussing & how I felt about the conversation, we were both being obviously silly I felt like.

I think we found the person they're cheating with.

You shouldn't have to spy on your SO. but you also shouldn't expect unconditional trust.

You should work to earn your partner's trust just as much as you should expect them to trust you

It most definitely is. Not everyone wants to be roped into negative stupid shit. Especially these days.

Interesting take on OP's post. I took it to mean OP had been cheated on, was suspicious and spied to confirm their suspicions. Afterward they realized that the relationship was irrevocably broken at the point where they were suspicious. Suspicion, not confirmation, was the signal that they no longer trusted their partner.

It's a summary that's longer than the original.

#MESSY