I get it tho. The umpteenth time someone comes to me and just spews the same drama I'm going to tell them to politely f off.

If you're jealous but refuse to do anything about it, there's only so much sympathy I can offer before I tell you to either DO something to change your situation or leave me alone.

There's a difference between being a good friend and being an emotional dumping ground for someone who produces/invites drama.

😂 I know

It’s a summary so to speak

It is a good advice when you're young and don't want to put the effort in learning what being in a relationship is - at least when you don't want to learn within a single relationship because you basically break up every 6 weeks/months. After a few years, you know what you like, you know who you are and this advice is not relevant.

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It's messy. MESSY.

I'd like to chime in here since I went through this very issue recently. There's lots of back story, more than I care to mention here really but anyway, My girlfriend(now wife) at the time went out with friends one night and ended up getting a little drunk and made out with a girl at a bar. She didn't tell me about it and bragged about the girl to one of her friends through text. I checked her phone and found it. Sure a part of me felt bad about checking her phone when she didn't show any signs of infidelity beforehand that I shouldn't trust her. But nevertheless my intuition proved right and she was hiding something. After confronting her immediately and we discussed breaking up and her moving out I decided we can attempt to work through it. I still love her and a mistake is a mistake so I gave her options. In fact, I wasn't mean or hurtful about it but I gave her multiple options to leave me and go be with other people. She insisted I'm all she wants and it was a mistake. So still I gave her free reign to do whatever makes her happy and after many emotional nights and hard days I decided to forgive her and attempt to move past it. It's been three months now and I'm better about it but not over the betrayal and I'll never forget the blatant disrespect. But hey we're human. We've been married for awhile now and honestly we are both happy and healthy in our relationship. Yes yes I know the saying once a cheater always a cheater, sometimes you have to risk it and risk looking like a fool for someone you love. If she fucks me over again and I end up wasting time so be it. I'll still love her and support whatever makes her happy. So I've quit worrying about her phone, who she talks to, or where she goes. I have to let doubt go and just trust and accept what she tells me. Otherwise we would be doomed. I would expect her to be patient and give me a chance if I ever made a mistake.

True. Every relationship is different. No one truly knows besides the two people involved what to do and what not to do but once you add in emotions it’s pretty hard

Not finding evidence can eat away at you just as much. You'll second guess yourself, believe their and probably some other people's gas lighting, blame yourself for being the real problem, etc.

You catch them in the act then at least you have closure.

congrats

I mean it don't hurt to have proof before breaking it off. I feel like long term it would be healthier to have that closure. Plus if you're married then do everything you can to catch them in the act before you divorce. "Just leave" is cute but it's very much not applicable to all situations.

😂 thank you, I know this. But I still took time out of my life to write it because I wanted to

Exactly. I already knew she was cheating, I just wanted to have all my ducks in a row for the lawyer.

Folks who accuse others of cheating come in three forms: Projection. Cheating or want to cheat themselves, accuse partner of it.

Paranoia: Insecurities, previous experiences, misogyny/misandry/misanthropy. These peeps will be controlling or abusive towards their partners. Neglectful, no love/romance, partner can't do anything right. Often done when a partner cannot easily leave the situation (marriage, living together, kids, etc).

Folks who just get it: Very empathetic people who pick up on cues and the emotional state of other people.

If it was the third, I imagine aunt would have approached it differently. Peeps with that level of empathy and intuition are going to avoid most of those problems before they become a problem, and they certainly address problems differently than that.

Sounds like it’s written from the POV of a list of cheater who doesn’t want to put up with confrontation to me.

A lot easier said than done if you have kids, a mortage and a car payment. I personally think adultry is a good reason to divorce, but you don't make life change like that without some good evidence.

Someone who honestly cares for family values doesn't cheat on their partner because they are jealous. You really have to put down those rose tinted glasses.

But your opinion is the LPT, like you're just saying it again.

I wonder if you have ever actually been betrayed. It's honestly one of the most painful things I've gone through in my life. And I'm quite old.

Thank you. I couldn’t comprehend how OP’s post is so popular, this is just terrible, terrible advice.

Depends on how long you've been together. Building that much trust takes time.

This is much easier said than done.

Good advice, but there's something to be said for trust, but verify. A non-obtrusive peek every now and then. I only say that because I was bamboozled by a previous gf. A mixture of having my love blinders on and possibly psychopathy on her part. Either way gotta protect your neck

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3rd option... don't constantly spy. If you are gonna spy, make sure it will result in concrete proof and never do it again.