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Just adding in my opinion 🤷🏽‍♀️

I was gonna say. Marriage in certain circles and cultures are view as more permanent than they really are. Divorce is not as easy as handing in a piece of paper to some people.

I kinda get where that mindset is coming from. Someone trying to convince themselves to leave is understandable (I still believe it's not justified but I understand why you'd want to do this) if they spy on their SO to finally give themselves their own freedom from their own mind but if they find out the truth and still stay, now that's on them.

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Pretty sure most people understand that being paralyzed would change your life.

Agreed. The person who needs to hear this won't be the one who listens. Having to check your SO's phone or spying is really controlling behaviour. If you resort to that, you werent going to let them go easily in the first place.

It's not just paranoia, it could also be how the person grew up and the kind of stuff they dealt with from their parents or previous relationships.

Finding the evidence can give you PTSD, man. But also... imagine staying with (or even breaking up on civil terms with) someone for years who deserves to be run over while crossing the street and eaten by crows.

It's healthier to not spy, but some people will just keep cheating on you forever and lying to your face.

What should I be doing with this information

and where can I apply said information?

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Not all wisdom is from personal experience. OP might have just observed this in others and reflected on it.

Nothing about your first sentence is spying. Except the use of the word "spying".

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Yeah, I dunno. She was a bitch on wheels and he should have simply left her. But “family values.”

Yup, thats what the LPT is.

>If you are spying on your SO, confronting them and demanding they account for every minute of the day the relationship isn't healthy.

You're leaving a huge gap between "SO is doing/saying things that don't add up or seem suspicious or have lied for some reason" to "spying on them and demanding they account for every minute".

This is the gap where reasonable action and conversation lies, and your supposed LPT completely ignores it.

Your LPT seems to be written from the perspective of a cheater who doesn't want to be challenged or discovered on their cheating, and also wants to put the onus on the other person to break off the relationship. Win-win from the cheater's perspective: you either get to enjoy infidelity or the other person has to break it off, but without having proof so you don't have to face the accusation.

Terrible LPT.

Actual LPT: talk with SO before it escalates to demands or ultimatums. Also, don't cheat on your SO.

As someone who has been through this, trust me it’s not worth it. Either you try to trust them or it’s over. Living with that constant feeling of mistrust is terrible.

My suggestion is to find out why you think they would be trying to cheat in the first place and work on that. They might be lonely, or bored in the bed room. It’s never too late to turn things around.

...I had this friend who had serious trust issues. He totally trusted his wife, could never imagine her cheating(she's an angel really), but he was a serial womaniser and distrusted everyother person in his life, from his friends, brothers, to his staff, colleagues even to his girlfriends. ...............

Difficult to understand.....I think people who seem to have serious trust issues expect others to do what they would have done. .......Simply put, they expect to see their reflection in others

Set boundaries

If you’re “spying”, “confronting”, and “demanding”, you’re the problem.

Yeah, if you get to the point you are spying, things have already gone way wrong

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> The aunt was likely picking up on signs he was a cheat risk

So she was punishing him for crimes he was going to commit, and that makes it okay?

I'm not saying he was right or justified to cheat, in the end. But the fact that he did doesn't retroactively excuse her abuse. Some bad situations don't have a good guy.

This sounds like a hot take your uncle made up to make his cheating seem ok "I only started cheating after she accused me of it!". Even if it's true it still doesn't excuse cheating instead of just breaking up.