intheyard305 t1_jacrwpa wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:41 PM

True story my ex girlfriend said my penis looks like baby Shrek dragging a bag of bowling balls while wearing a chin strap safety helmet. So I cheated on her with a girl named Fiona, because I'm romantic like that.

intheyard305 t1_jacpf3a wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:23 PM

Reply to What’s the difference between snow and a girl? by ctnfpiognm

Dennis the eunuch here, I heard that you can you can get frostbite. Strictly anecdotal 🤥

Conscious-Rip4407 t1_jacpdo4 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:23 PM

Reply to comment by Bumpass in My friend started a tattoo parlor that only accepts payment in the form of flashing. by issapenguin

I taught I taw a titty-tat!

Grantley34 t1_jacp9yc wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:22 PM

Reply to comment by Epic-Dude000 in Babies by gary6043

Or 711

[deleted] t1_jacos9p wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:18 PM

Reply to Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says: by GinoF2020

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Fred_The_Mando_Guy t1_jacorjf wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:18 PM

Reply to comment by adambabylon in The captain asks a seamen to tell him how "2" is written in Latin. by Anaklysmos12345

Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU2CKQQr90E

[deleted] t1_jacolli wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:17 PM

Reply to An emo and a leaf fall from the tree, who hits the ground first? by yeetinghelps

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sujaysukumar t1_jaco751 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:14 PM

Reply to comment by [deleted] in How many months have 28 days? by CFCYYZ

Thanks. It was the first week of November

OpinionOK_IgnorantNo t1_jaco65v wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:13 PM

Reply to Babies by gary6043

yeah but is it 7 babies or 11 babies too much suspense, pass

[deleted] t1_jaco5xe wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:13 PM

Reply to They say kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. by -WontLoversRevoltNow

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Kcnflman t1_jaco1di wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:12 PM

Reply to comment by Chuck_Roaster in Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says: by GinoF2020

It’s a Deep South thing

Agreeable-Effort6507 t1_jacnz56 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:12 PM

Reply to An emo and a leaf fall from the tree, who hits the ground first? by yeetinghelps

Wow an emo could cut themself with that edge

UndendingGloom t1_jacnye6 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:12 PM

Reply to comment by LeodFitz in Russia has announced early results from the election by Henri_Dupont

You can edit it and send it back, but you might fall out of a window.

iordseyton t1_jacnqxo wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:10 PM

Reply to comment by benji_014 in A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door... by Gaphumbala

'You've no idea' isn't grammatically correct either, it's just less obvious.

You could say 'you have no idea,' or 'you have got no idea' interchangeably.

'You've got no idea' would be a correct contraction.

The reason 'You've no idea' feels correct and 'will you've sex' from the original doesn't is because our brains are trained to sort of skip over, or add in if need be, the existential verbs, like 'is' and 'got.'

intheyard305 t1_jacnhyy wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:08 PM

Reply to What do you call a cheating husband? by DjuncleMC

About to lose a lot of his shit.....broke.....lawyers wet dream......double fucked...... houseless

MiigPT OP t1_jacng3k wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:08 PM

Reply to comment by intheyard305 in Once upon a time there were three friends by MiigPT

Thanks! Edited the post for “sex addict”

sintakks t1_jacn9l9 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:07 PM

Reply to comment by producer35 in A man was walking through the desert and passed a group of vultures feasting on a dead animal. by semaf0r0

These carrion jokes seem to be in lately. Some decades ago I happened on two turkey buzzards tearing apart a dead rabbit. They got scared and took off. It was the first I ever saw a vulture flap its wings. They usually float on thermals. Now I wonder if they were looking for a new way to use that joke.

Buck_Thorn t1_jacn7xq wrote on February 28, 2023 at 2:06 PM

Reply to comment by yeetinghelps in An emo and a leaf fall from the tree, who hits the ground first? by yeetinghelps

I preferred your punchline.

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