Recent comments in /f/Jokes
SnarfbObo t1_j9jcg5i wrote
if you care, proofread
Paddyvertex t1_j9jbygy wrote
Reply to comment by fighter_pil0t in Putin: How much of the Russian population want to kill me? by FPSCanarussia
*should
mipish1 t1_j9jbs1s wrote
Reply to comment by darktowerseeker in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
I’ve always heard the last wish as: “I wish to be beaten half to death”.
fighter_pil0t t1_j9jbceo wrote
You can do both you know
Imaginary_Charge7807 t1_j9jaeie wrote
I don't get it. We're supposed to assume that the 50% of Russians who want him dead know that they won't live long enough to piss on his grave and that's why this is a binary choice?
todeabacro t1_j9j88b2 wrote
Reply to comment by Gerry1of1 in What do you call a transgender James Bond? by Steam20
It just doesn't make sense!
technomancing_monkey t1_j9j7z4x wrote
Reply to comment by Avversariocasuale in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
the russian wished that no matter where you were in russia, there was oil underground.
the ukrainian just turned all that oil into a giant bomb by asking the genie to set it on fire.
frapedia-1212 t1_j9j6uhy wrote
Reply to A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
A knife is like a penis... I very rarely use knives
CiciDoge t1_j9j635n wrote
It’d be a shame if that ladder had a slip..
lmaozedong89 t1_j9j5wl7 wrote
Reply to comment by Improv13 in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
Ah yes, lawyers, the ones against trickery and lies
spiral2015 t1_j9j5pex wrote
Who cares, it is new to me!
roughlystultify455 t1_j9j5lrt wrote
Optometrist: Can you read the letters?
Patient: Which line?
Optometrist: What's the lowest line you can see clearly?
Patient: I see them all.
Optometrist: Read the lowest one please.
Patient: DP315 Snellen Chart, printed by Narang Medical Ltd, ISO9001-2008, EN ISO 13485, CE.
TylerWright606 t1_j9j59yj wrote
Reply to A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
A knife is like a penis: when you connect 100000 volts to it worms begin to morph out of it and start singing to me in all 3 voices :D
UbiVoiD t1_j9j58jl wrote
Reply to A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
If it's soft it's useless.
TylerWright606 t1_j9j54hc wrote
Reply to comment by gin_and_toxic in A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
But as importantly don't ever bring a gun to a penis fight
TylerWright606 t1_j9j52a6 wrote
Reply to comment by OffxcxallyEli in A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
Excellent
Worthless_Clockwork t1_j9j4qd1 wrote
Reply to comment by Arcane_Pozhar in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
So, the Poles hate the Russians, Poland is east of Russia, and Mongolia is west of Russia.
For a Mongolian horde to raid Poland, it would have to head west, through Russia, raiding all the way. For the horde to return home, it would have to head east, back through Russia, raiding all the way. Hordes after all have to pillage and raid during their travels to support themselves.
fighter_pil0t t1_j9j4g2q wrote
Reply to comment by PygmeePony in Sugar is the only word in the english language where a singular "S" makes a "SH" sound. by WirrkopfP
3 days by my last count.
GoatWarlock t1_j9j4f3i wrote
Reply to comment by crash866 in My doctor he dont help either, he told me to run 5 Miles a Day for two weeks by Firewing435
My neighbor named his dog “grandpa” so whenever he left the house he’d tell people he left his kids with grandpa.
[deleted] t1_j9j3q1v wrote
Reply to A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
[removed]
PapaStone69 t1_j9j3jkw wrote
Reply to Sugar is the only word in the english language where a singular "S" makes a "SH" sound. by WirrkopfP
Sure, if you say so.
DeniseFromDaCleaners t1_j9j31ff wrote
Reply to comment by AlphaStargazer in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
It did?
theoneandonlyzo t1_j9j2t4r wrote
Reply to comment by Michael-T-B-1969 in A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. by etternalentity
Is good joke. Everyone like. Good, long laugh.
There is a door on the Hephaestus. It is locked, and no one knows where they key is. It is only for emergencies. Only for when you are alone.
What constitutes “alone”? How do we know when we are alone? There is no one in this room. Eiffel and Minkowksi are both asleep. Hera is in the middle of debugging cycle. The closest waking mind is 8 light years away.
But... does that mean that I’m alone?
Why does no one want to be alone?
Why are we so afraid of being alone?
Longuer t1_j9j2b1n wrote
Reply to comment by ravs1973 in A knife is like a penis… by mach16lt
The ultimate dominance move.
Conscious-Parfait826 t1_j9jcp89 wrote
Reply to How many catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb? by DioxydeWolf
Just one because it's 12 years old.