Recent comments in /f/Jokes

leuk_he t1_j9akxwd wrote

Reply to A man walks into a bar and asks for the bill by Queasy_Doughnut7507

A bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, “You want to watch the Cubs?” Bear says, “Do you have a secret camera in my house!? Is my family okay!? What do you want from me!?”

The elephant ordered a gin and tonic and the bartender said ‘ok, that will be $23.’ After a few minutes the bartender said, ‘y’know, we don’t get many elephants in here.’ The elephant said, ‘with these prices I can see why.’

A monkey walks into a bar and ask the bartender for bananas...“DO YOU HAVE BANANAS?!?!” ask the monkey. “No... we don’t...?” answer the bartender, confused. “DO YOU BANANAS?!?!” ask the monkey once again “No. We don’t. I told you that” “DOOO YOOOU HAVE BANANAAAS ?!?!?!” ask the monkey again. Upset, the bartender answer “NO. WE. DO. NOT. HAVE. BANANAS. Ask ONE MORE TIME and I will NAIL your tongue to the bar!”

Scared and sad, the monkey goes to a nearby table and wait a few minutes.

Then, he looks at the bartender, “Do you have nails...?” “Hmm, no...” “THEN DO YOU HAVE BANANAS?!?!?!”

A man walks into a bar with his pet tiger

The bar keep says "Fuck no, get out!"

A man walks out of the bar with his pet tiger cause it's a bar not a fucking zoo.

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He call for everyone's attention, orders a beer and proceeds to put his balls in the gator's open mouth.

The gator closes its mouth, the man drinks the beer and then takes the bottle and whacks the gator on the head with it real hard. The gator opens its mouth and the man shows off his unharmed balls.

He looks around the bar and says, "I'll give anyone here a 100 dollars to try this."

There is dead silence in the bar and than a hand goes up in the back and a blond girl comes forward and says, "I'll give it a shot, just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

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I like the doctor doctor jokes more, but in a USA forum that bill would not be realistic...

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Necessary-Outcome t1_j99upbx wrote

Reply to A man walks into a bar and asks for the bill by Queasy_Doughnut7507

A panda bear walked into a bar, ordered a burger, ate it, pulled out a gun and shot up the bottles behind the bar and walks out. The barman runs after the bear shouting WTF dude who is going to pay for all this? The panda turns around and says I'm a Panda bear. A panda eats shoots and leaves...

I'll get my coat --> 🧥

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