Recent comments in /f/IAmA

MahaanInsaan t1_j0juz12 wrote

Reply to Hi! I’m Dr Lucy Maddox from Bath University (UK). I’m a clinical psychologist researching compassionate care and things that can get in the way. I have a new book out called A Year To Change Your Mind, about how psychology can help with everyday life by UniversityofBath

Is it true that Bath university has been experiencing an extreme funding crunch because of competition from Shower University and Hot Tub University?!

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RunDNA t1_j0jpqn7 wrote

Reply to comment by isblueacolor in I’m Mike Shenk, Crossword Editor for the Wall Street Journal. AMA. by wsj

It's a very tricky one.

>!The colors of the Rainbow are: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. And each of those seven initial letters only appear once in the whole puzzle: R, O, Y, G, B, I, V. And if you join those seven letters in the puzzle they make an arrow which points to the diagonal solution to the Color Puzzle: TEAL.!<

https://crosswordfiend.com/2018/07/01/wsj-contest-june-29-2018/

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Expensive-Economist8 t1_j0jfn94 wrote

Reply to comment by UniversityofBath in Hi! I’m Dr Lucy Maddox from Bath University (UK). I’m a clinical psychologist researching compassionate care and things that can get in the way. I have a new book out called A Year To Change Your Mind, about how psychology can help with everyday life by UniversityofBath

What do you think about the possibility that “compassion fatigue “ is an honest assessment of reality. I work(ed) in the arena of homeless services and permanent supportive housing where self sufficiency is voluntary. I’ve seen so many people give up because they’re just waiting for their free apartment and case management services. Why should I bust my butt as a taxpayer to support those folks? What are your thoughts about that?

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nancam9 t1_j0jfgz3 wrote

Reply to comment by theternal_phoenix in Hi! I’m Dr Lucy Maddox from Bath University (UK). I’m a clinical psychologist researching compassionate care and things that can get in the way. I have a new book out called A Year To Change Your Mind, about how psychology can help with everyday life by UniversityofBath

Thanks for your response! I am glad you found my response useful. Its just my opinion based on my experience. Wishing you all the best!

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theternal_phoenix t1_j0jbph9 wrote

Reply to comment by nancam9 in Hi! I’m Dr Lucy Maddox from Bath University (UK). I’m a clinical psychologist researching compassionate care and things that can get in the way. I have a new book out called A Year To Change Your Mind, about how psychology can help with everyday life by UniversityofBath

Thank you for taking the time to respond with a thoughtful answer. Short vent follows.

I made a mistake by staying in my comfort zone and sticking with the two friends I had for a long time. I felt the direst consequently this year when at my lowest point, the very friends abandoned me, citing hurts from years, even decades past and haven't spoken in months.

You're right that it's a recipe for disappointment to expect others to change. Moreover, it gets progressively harder to make good friends in life - atleast that's been my experience - you're left with less time as you get into your 30s : you cant really rush closeness or real connection. With more and more people finding a partner or starting a family you eventually turn into a bit of an outcast...

I've benefitted from therapy as well - had to stop since I was moving countries, but perhaps it's time to restart it.

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nancam9 t1_j0j4zq8 wrote

Reply to comment by theternal_phoenix in Hi! I’m Dr Lucy Maddox from Bath University (UK). I’m a clinical psychologist researching compassionate care and things that can get in the way. I have a new book out called A Year To Change Your Mind, about how psychology can help with everyday life by UniversityofBath

Not OP obviously but this thread is relevant to my journey. As a complete amateur, take this for what it's worth .

You can't change other people, ultimately. Your friends may be stuck on the past but you are not. You can change and you can point this out to your friends, but ultimately they decide for themselves what they want to believe and how they respond to you.

If they won't change and you have, then you have choices to make. You can continue as you have and put up with the frustration. You could cut them off completely if it's bad enough. Or you can set boundaries and enforce them. Ultimately that is your choice.

I've been through this with both sides of my family, my spouse and my kids. Been through the phase of demanding they change. It just doesn't work. No one likes to be told they are wrong.

So work on yourself. Be comfortable with yourself and your past. If you hurt them, apologize. Make amends. If they can't move on then maybe you should. But you can also leave the door open to reconciling in the future if they do change. If you do not act on your own, that's where the pattern repeats and you get stuck.

I kind of view it like my relationship with my therapist. They are not really my friend but they are friendly. They are there to give me advice from their experience and training. I accept their influence or I do not. We've had three therapists in the past decade, each was good for some things/areas, not so good for other things. Make progress in one area then move on. Do some self work as well.

It's a journey. It moves at different speeds. Sometimes slow, sometimes amazingly fast.

The good therapists have absolutely been worth their fees. They have helped me see things I could not on my own. I've done a lot on my own but with their guidance.

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