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Which is fine, if the person asked for that kind of criticism. If they didn't, it's usually polite to either say nothing or just say "it's got some issues". I don't necessarily have a problem with it on the internet; when someone decides to put it out there it's free game. But OP was obviously not asking for that kind of response.

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It’s free mentoring or guidance. He’s telling the author what needs improvement in a respectful way. If he’s coddled and told everything is ok, everything’s just ok.

I’d say this IAmA is an appropriate time to tell him what’s up. Personally I thought the names were weird and the story seems like the author’s spiteful of people who find love. I’m not a writer, I have no idea what to look for, but that alone makes me uninterested. nhaines knows what to look for and my take would have been useless. He’s not giving advice to a random person not asking for it.

There’s things that have been done before and mistakes that have already been made. He’s only showing how to avoid that so an entire “series of books” don’t get written off.

You need to fix that before you even think about publishing anything else. And don’t ask someone you know - it’s really difficult to tell a friend when their stuff is shit.

Normally I wouldn’t be this harsh, but the racist caricature of the black man really pissed me off, so I’m not too pressed about being nice.

Also, figure out how to have a coherent plot. My eyes are scrolling past words on autopilot. Where is your worldbuilding?? “AIDS-2” is the name of your deadly disease?! What’s with sleeping in plastic bags? Why did you mention bodies in the ocean once and never again? To be clear, I don’t want the answers. I’m just pointing out some specifics.

All the best of luck to your growth as a better writer and a less bigoted person.

I read a decent portion of this, and it’s really hard to track what’s going on with some of the scenes. I’d also like to earnestly ask - do you have any autism spectrum disorder? A lot of the interactions between people, internal thoughts, and sentence structure/method of writing ran counter to many of the thoughts I’d have while reading. I couldn’t adequately make sense of characters’ actions, how time scenes progressed, or why certain sentences were used/had any remote relevance in some areas. Also, there’s a huge contrast in writing effort between certain lines: there are multiple sentences that are structured poetically, but then a lot of descriptive lines or thoughts are written with the simplest adjectives. I am not trying to be rude, but I am genuinely curious if you have any form of ASD.

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Did you let any of your friends read through the draft of the book?

It's pretty difficult to read.

Eh, tbf he didn't ask for criticism. I know it's ask anything but that doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate to rip his project to shreds.

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People don’t like when they’re criticized for something when in their eyes it’s finished. Being harsh only makes them better if they listen. Saying, “this sucks” and nothing else helps no one. You’re telling him how to improve based on experience since you see how it could be better. That’s great leadership.

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If you ever think you're the first person to do something....you aren't.

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