I tell all authors the same thing - own your work.

If you believe in what you're doing - own your work.

A lot of people go after publishing deals because they need the advice in order to pay their bills while they finish a book.

And they also go after those deals to satisfy their ego.

The math working with a traditional publisher is horrendous.

So I like self-publishing, or hybrid publishing (like what the company Amplify does - where you pay them to help you get this published but you own everything).

I'm also a control freak when it comes to look, feel, and editing, so the process of doing it was really satisfying, and nothing feels better than placing a bet on yourself.

And don't underestimate the power of audio.

I am one of the most successful self published authors in the world, because of the success of my self published audiobook The 5 Second Rule.

In 2017, it was the #1 listened to audiobook of the entire year.

And it continues to be the most successful self published audiobook.

So as we move into the future - consider that you don't even need to print a book to be an author :)

I am 55 years old and I keep trying to change my inner dialogue but I have been on auto-pilot for so long and I am afraid that 5 years from now I will be in the same place. I thought I would be content with being small and average but there is a part of me that does want to do that anymore. My kids don't need me and my husband and I are living as roommates at some point I will have to make a huge decision to rectify this. How can I begin again when I don't even know who I am or what I want out of life?

This is a guess, but I think you need to prune before you grow. All that stuff that takes up your energy - whatever you can get off your plate, it needs to go.

I'm really grateful that you're here - and that you loved my books The High 5 Habit and The 5 Second Rule.

If we can figure out how to do it simply - sure, I'd love to do that.

Here’s another one. I am a huge people pleaser and often when someone does something that really bothers me, in the moment I tell them it’s no big deal and not to worry, but after I end up frustrated with myself because I wasn’t as honest as I should have been. In the moment I truly feel like I’m saying the right thing though, it’s not until after that I get frustrated with myself for not expressing what I felt, but in a a reasonable way. How do you teach yourself to do that in the moment and feel comfortable enough to speak freely when it could be off putting to others?

Here's what I think about that article - the truth is very boring. And parts of that article are complete fabrications that make me look like a self-centered asshole.

If you follow me online you know that's not the kind of person I am.

When the article came out and I read the complete lies that the reporter fabricated - it was devastating.

But 15 years later, I honestly don't give a shit, and I understand that nice doesn't sell magazines.

Will you ever offer personalized inscriptions on purchased books? Also I love everything you release on all platforms and your books they resonate right deep in my soul and I am so grateful I found you!

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Go all in on adventure. You are young and you have nothing tying you down. And that adventure will likely reveal things much more important than your next job.

You shouldn't.

You will likely follow the advice of somebody that you feel most connected to.

And I can tell, based on the tone of your question, that you don't feel hopeful when you hear my experience, you feel judgemental.

I personally think the best qualified person to help you and somebody who used to be you.

I struggled for 30 years because I didn't know any better.

The shit I discovered - and I share with people around the world - I learned the hard way, so you don't have to.

I'm 54. Thirty years ago - you wouldn't be caught dead walking into a self help section of a book store. If you saw a therapist you were a freak. Prozac had only just been invented. There was no social media. And there was a massive stigma around mental health.

And if you've "always been good at dealing with it" - you probably don't struggle with anxiety. That's not the kind of person that I would personally turn to for help.

But now that I know what I know - I manage situational anxiety like a pro.

I'm so glad you're loving The Mel Robbins Podcast.

I was inspired to start it for a number of reasons:

1. I wanted to find a way to connect with you more deeply on a personal level and share what's going on in my life and work in real time
2. I wanted to dig deeper into topics and have more meaningful, tactical tools for you, because there's only so much you can do on a topic in a 60 second TikTok or reel.
3. I wanted to build a community of people who were positive and inspired to do the work to create a better life for themselves. And I knew that I could start to find a like-minded global tribe of awesome people by launching this podcast. So thank you for being a part of that force for good.
4. I wanted to be able to give you the tools and inspiration that you need at zero cost and I wanted it to be available everywhere. You can listen on every podcast platform, and you can watch unabridged versions of every episode on YouTube. Because of our advertisers - we can bring all of this to you for zero cost twice a week.
5. I also wanted to feel like I was learning alot again. When you write books or produce audiobooks or give speeches for a living, you do a lot of talking. One of the things I love most about this podcast - is how much listening and learning I'm doing. Like this one on narcissism - wow did I learn a lot from Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000583254647

What has surprised me about doing this podcast?

I did not expect to come out of the gates and top the charts the way that we have.

I know how hard it is to create a really great podcast, and it has been a lot of work.

And I also know how many other podcasts are out there (there are 5m of them on Spotify alone).

I thought it would take at least a year before we even broke into the top 100 - and right now we are #9 overall of all podcasts on Apple - and have consistently been the #1 education podcast in the world on every podcast platform since we have launched in October.

And you know what this tells me?

It tells me that we are doing something that was missing. And that only makes me more motivated and hardworking to continue to deliver something that is valuable, entertaining, and most importantly - impactful in your life.

So from the bottom of my heard - thank you.

I don't consider this my podcast, I consider it ours.

We scour the DMs, read your topic submissions, we will take your Reddit questions and probably create episodes based on this.

I often say - this isn't just a listening podcast, it's a doing podcast, and you're helping us do something that makes a big impact around the world - so thank you

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I was listening to it today!. It really resonated. Thanks so much for the advice !! X

Why should we listen to the advice of someone who took 30 years to work out how to deal with anxiety rather than someone who has always been good at dealing with it?

Deregulation working splendidly. /s

External motivation is a wonderful thing... when it's there.

My point about motivation being garbage is that most of us make the mistake of relying on intrinsic motivation to suddenly swell up and inspire us to run 5 miles, have the hard conversation, or take any action that we don't feel like taking.

If motivational content truly pushes you to take action - that's great.

That means you're using it as a tool to push yourself to do the shit you don't want to do.

But be wary of using it for entertainment only, or a little burst of feeling good.

And the reason why I say that is because you can trick yourself into thinking that you're getting stuff done, by just watching other people do the things you wish you were doing.

At some point - you need to go from passively feeling "motivated" to taking action, because action is the only thing that will change your life for real.

Thinking about doing something or feeling "motivated" isn't the same thing as actually doing the damn thing.

Motivation is garbage because it's almost never there when you need it, and most of us can't watch a YouTube video and muster up the inspiration to get outside in the freezing rain and get the training run done.

You need to know how to push yourself in those moments.

I unpack this in detail in this episode -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582102667

Lassen is awesome. Wish I’d been more prepared for how rugged the caves are.

Highly recommend finding a tax expert to negotiate with the IRS. Enrolled agent is what you want. They're certified to work with the irs, and many used to work for them. Offer in compromise I believe is the process.

It can be done on your own but those guys know the system better.

Despite the common thought, the IRS can be reasonable.

If you're still a high earner, they'll want whatever they can get. But usually over a limited period, 5 years. They can waive the rest.

They're not cheap, but many years ago $5k of help got over $50k wiped clean (actually $50, not zero). Made this grown man weep years of joy when I got that letter.

Do you feel embarrassed working for the house organ of American oligarchy?

Yes, I do have advice on this. It sounds like you've done the talk therapy aspect of identifying and processing trauma.

But to truly heal it - you have to repair your nervous system.

In the next couple of weeks - we are releasing multiple episodes of The Mel Robbins Podcast about this topic specifically - diving into both the topic of trauma and how you can repair your nervous system and heal yourself.

Regarding your mom - she could turn at any moment.

You can't control that.... you tried to as a kid and look where that ended up. It resulted in trauma in your nervous system. The fact that you're nervous and can't let go is a sign that it's still in there.

You can't "let go" of trauma, you have to repair the parts of your nervous system that are dysregulated right now due to it.

When you do the work to repair - it won't matter what your mother does, because you'll no longer be trigged by it

Make sure to subscribe to The Mel Robbins Podcast so the new episodes on this topic will be downloaded in your queue when they release in the next week or so.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002

We also release new videos daily on our YouTube channel and discuss this quite a bit - https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins

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Living with my parents at 34. Looking for a part time job but can't seem to find anything that interests me. Should I look for a job abroad? I'm willing to move. Do I play it safe and stay put? Or do I go all in on an adventure?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being such a supportive fan and for making the trip to the studio audience.

Not only do we plan to coach listeners on the podcast - we've already started

You can listen to our first coaching episode here -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000593089684

If this is something that you want to nominate yourself for - ask a question here -

https://www.melrobbins.com/ask-a-question

Everything is connected. And it has nothing to do with your learning disabilities. You need to learn to love yourself as you are, despite it all.

If you can do that - and I'm not saying it's the easiest thing to do - it takes time, it's a muscle you need to build, but it changes everything. So much of your question is about things outside of you. What other people think, what other people say, how other people see you.

The answers to this question are about you and your relationship to yourself. you get that right and the outside world really doesn't matter.

You need to listen to this and follow the advice- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591862344