These are posters in Hanger Clinics. They are a large orthotics and prosthetics company with locations all over the US.

My stepson is currently doing the electrician apprentice and it is great. They pay you to go to school, and you get paid decent while you are doing it. It does take a while, but he is older than you and just started it a few years ago. He even had to go through the pre-apprentice part. He has a wife and kid and is making it work.

Look at it this way. In 5 years do you want to be a certified tradesman or do you want to be at the same place you are now. You are going to get 5 years old, so just think what do you want to be at that point.

"65% of all internet quotes are made up" -Abraham Lincoln

Please go get tested for learning disabilities and get a mental health evaluation bc it sounds like you could have ADHD &/or maybe something else going on. These issues are not your fault, but they are yours to deal with. You need to learn coping skills to get focused on your life goals. You want a career? You will have to be willing to get up and do some things you don't want to in order to reach that goal. So put up some reminders (pix or text) of what you want to do. It's only a relatively short commitment of a few years to learn some skills and get earning decent money. I send you my best wishes for a better future.

I was going to say some flavor of this too. But I'll just give them step one to achieve this. And this is for anyone that feels this way. Stop looking at your past like a failure or waste. Accept it as part of your life and stop comparing everything/anything you do to what you were like before for validation.

Eat the elephant. One manageable bite at a time. Notice and appreciate small improvements.

The truth can hurt sometimes

Why are you like this?

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For me it took about 8 years of weekly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And it was hard.

But I’m 49 now. I have a degree from university, a wife, a home and a soon to be 7 year old daughter.

This can be done, but you might need/want someone to help you learn how to make your way through.

My partner and I both have ADHD and each spent some of our younger years floundering - poor grades, dropping out of school, fired from jobs, underemployed/unemployed.

He currently sees an occupational therapist for organizational strategies like bullet journaling and it helps a lot. I think you’re in Ontario (hello neighbour!) so it should be covered by OHIP. I’d see a doc to get some meds too if needed. Undiagnosed ADHD is a bastard and it would help you a lot to get it sorted first, as a strong foundation, if that’s what’s been causing problems.

Job-wise, I’d suggest something where you’re not at a desk all day. My partner is a media technician (film, photography, digital) and I am an event producer. We both found jobs that play to our ADHD strengths. Lots of suggestions here for skilled trades which might be good! If you told me 10 years ago that I would be happy/fulfilled/well payed in a job, I never would have believed you. I’m in my forties now and things are great.

Today is your day to change things. Make small steps. Focus on feeding your body in healthy ways: good food, sleep, regular exercise. You need that stuff in order to really do well at a job.

r/findapath might be helpful for you as well

Surprise! Canada also has an army! https://forces.ca/en/

God, I can relate to this. Where you said about our efforts being on the right track, getting gently corrected if needed and then praised when we get it right. That is literally it! I'm scared of doing something wrong and getting out of my depth.

And also, the thing about getting guaranteed validation if it's someone else's task we're doing / some boss we're helping. Exactly. Cos there's very little to gain from our own tasks in the short term, the time in which we need to start building the business, for example. Plus no-one to correct us and the whole risk thing. So "what's the point", precisely. Or just it ends up being permanent procrastination because there's no 'first steps to whatever it is' teacher. Or there are... Youtubers who I think 'I could just message them if I get out of my depth'. But I'm still too concerned.

It's like I need a 9-5 experienced teacher, or ahead-of-me peer / colleague to be there while I do everything.

And I think this to myself, and look for accountability buddies but that's not enough... It's like I need a comforting person in the actual room!

Or the thing we were talking about at the start, which is some scary faculty of teachers who will be viciously disappointed if we do not get an A. I'd rather have the comforting teacher, but I have neither (given that I'm in my 30s!).

I was a very high achieving student in high school and the first year of college. Then I just kept getting caught up in partying and not really caring about putting my head down and working because I was smart enough to keep As and Bs (if I had cared and tried, it woulda been mostly As). Then before my senior year, I had an awful drug experience that threw me into a deep depression with other symptoms mixed in (OCD, PTSD, psychosis). The next 6 years were basically hell and I was in a holding pattern barely hanging on. Thankfully I never hurt myself or tried, but I definitely didn't care about anything. Once COVID hit, it kinda made me start to address it, which really sucked because it was hard. The last two years I've worked jobs I didn't really love, developed some phobias and obsessions and a bad addiction to nicotine and sex/porn.

But you know what? I'm still moving forward and feel like my connection to my old self is coming back. I'm studying for the MCAT again. I'm coping with my job and learning to just adapt. If you're not dead and still have your mind even somewhat in tact, you can make small steps forward. Eventually you hit an inflection point where you get positive feedback. You step away from the bad habits that were once survival mechanisms, and just keep moving. It requires discipline and self-reflection daily. But it's possible. Some days you do nothing and feel bad about it. That's going to happen. Keep going. Go easy on yourself. Those who judge and shame either have never been through it, or area still going through it and can't cope with it. Keep going. Be more selfish about doing things that keep you well. Don't be selfish to the point you start hurting others and trying to take from them to make you feel better. That doesn't work.

Best of luck.

I relate to the 'impress the teacher/boss' thing too, and re: your last question, what immediately came into my head was "it's not about being watched, it's about being seen".

We all need to be seen and validated, to know our efforts are on the right track, and ideally we are gently corrected if not, then praised when we get it right.

If we don't get this as children, some of us learn that we can get something like it from pleasing other people. So our brains think that when we do for others, our efforts will be seen and validated. Whereas when we do for ourselves, no-one sees and no-one cares, or they even actively discourage us - so what's the point?

I think this isn't the whole of it by any means, but it could be one small yet important element.

Find something that motivates you. You’ve got both your damn parents ffs stop feeling sorry for yourself. What if one/both died tomorrow? Is this how you want them to remember you? Take a job and work hard. Show up to work, and if you don’t like the job look for a different one but ffs don’t just quit and do nothing. Have something lined up before you do that! Lastly take pride in whatever it is that you’re doing, If you’re mopping the floor at McDonald’s do it well - people will respect you

-Michael Scott

Top half of his bag looks like Carlin.

come on Eileen

"I'm all or nothing. I know it comes from childhood trauma, and it's so ingrained in my brain that no external demand means now I rest, and conserve my energy until there is another threat/demand to react to."

Omg.

Also for me I think it's, if there's an opportunity to 'be the best', 'impress the teacher' or whatever, then I'm productive. If I have the opportunity to build a business and buy a house, for example, I don't have motivation. If some shitty boss is saying 'do this shitty task', I do.

Is it about being watched? As well as threatened.

I think this little girl must have been in an accident and lost her leg. Rather than let that define her and hold her back, she stands there with a prosthetic ready to take on any challenge.

And for the record, my friend who took this photo suffered two strokes/aneurysms. She was an opera major and had these her senior year of college. She is now in a wheelchair and recovering slowly, tho it’s been a few years. She was told she’d never sing opera again. This inspired her.

This is good advice, obviously don't listen to ppl on Reddit about whether you have ADHD or not (that includes me), but reading your entire post you seem to exhibit some symptoms of it. Get some professional opinion and see what they can do for you.

As many have said you have a great support system and you can still turn things around. If you believe you have an addiction don't try to do it alone. If you want to get out of the ditch, find something to do and STICK to it. You may not feel like it but you have developed A LOT of skills and experience even when you feel you haven't been able to hold a job for long, those will help you in life as long as you get out and do something.

Good luck man.

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Mods are a bunch of p***y dlckheads for removing this post.