Your "laziness" is your minds way of telling you that you shouldn't rush into something else and wind up wasting even more of your life. You knew this, but got pressured by your parents to make the wrong decision and waste your time.

Our emotions exist for a reason. Shut out distractions. Give your mind time. And you will find your new best path forward.

My radical honesty was facing every aspect of the climate issue, reading as much data as I could, ignoring media, and consuming the science on it. I also went deep on how complex systems work, how they collapse, and how Empires have collapsed before.

I was a climate scientist before I became a software engineer.

Unfortunately, reality is harsh and I wanted to wish it away, in the end, I can’t control the world or the actions of others or what people choose to believe or not to believe. I can only control myself and my emotional response to the current conditions. It’s easy to dismiss the situation out of fear, I reached a point where the data and my fear were at odds and I had to deal with that.

I’m glad it’s such a cluster fuck. That clusterfuck set me free.

Congrats on the kids part 👏❤️

As for Climate change, I personally believe it isnt as bad people make it to be, there is a lot of fearmongering behind it

I believe human population will decrease in the future and perhaps a scientific breakthrough or more of a conservation effort and success

It will solve itself i believe

As for me, i do would want to have kids but damn if my kids would go through what ive been thrugh, id rather they not be lol

Wow what a great post. Like a breath of fresh air

This quote has no idea how harshly I judge myself

I agree that being brave is, without a doubt, an admirable trait to have. But I think we should be weary that this fearlessness doesn’t become foolhardiness.

For example, if you have a fear of heights and you can overcome it by facing this fear head on, then that’s great! But that doesn’t mean you should start doing parkour on top of buildings.

You DID NOT fail here. You're LEARNING. Which is a SUCCESS.

Clearly a lesson here is that you don't have a great interest in being a medical professional. That's GOOD because you're learning what your career interests really are.

>I can either reapply or try to find another path. But I feel incredibly burnt out.

That's normal. Its okay to feel frustrated sometimes while working toward bettering yourself.

>How do I get myself motivated again and seriously evaluate what I want?

Suggestion- you will likely be more motivated to achieve a career path if it's something that you feel will make you happy to pursue.

There's a career resource called O*Net. You answer some questions and it allows the resource to create a basic psychology profile of you and then suggests career paths that people who fit your profile report having a high level of happiness pursuing.

Same with programming! Breaks help with understanding what you're doing no matter what you're learning. Also, sleep!

A healthy amount should be 5-10k a day so that's already 3 million steps a year if you're proactive about it.

I think google is obviously counting people that hardly reach a thousand a day.

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I have done a lot of theology study searching for commonalities in the major religions, but I think there are other ways to like find and internalize this truth (meditation helps some people, time in nature others, psilocybin too for some).

I’ll share a dream though and maybe just ponder it a bit.

From the age of 19-25, I was dead set on not having kids. I was terrified that climate change would intensify in my life (it probably will) and that I may bear witness to supply chain collapse, war, famine, some really scary stuff. Even after I got married and created a beautiful life in a beautiful place, this fear plagued me.

One night, I had a dream. I was in my favorite part of the forest and as I laid in the moss to watch the trees, I was devoured whole.

I sank deeper and deeper past the roots of the trees into some utter darkness where I was presented with two doors.

Both doors contained imagery of my beautiful forest but one showed the forest burning, the other at the height of summer and the monsoons - filled with life, bursting at the seams.

As I approached each door, I reached out to touch the door. The door with fire contained immense human suffering. I saw flashes of war, murder, ra*e, death, wildfire, floods, and utter destruction. The other door when I touched it showed me birth, flowers blooming in spring, children laughing, family events, community, love, and love, and love.

I was then pulled back from the doors and a booming voice came down that said “you have a choice”

And then I woke up.

So the tl;dr is despair and fear and gratitude and joy are part of the duality of life. All are necessary, but we get to choose where we live.

Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn has a book where he talks about trying to save thousands of lives during the Vietnam War and he credits his ability to think clearly and face those difficult situations with courage - to being able to calm himself, practice gratitude and mindfulness for the opportunity - as difficult as it may be - given to him by the hardship.

The doors are always there for us to choose. The only choice we have is which choice we make.

And for those curious, I changed my mind on kids. 💕

I think it’s about a balance of both. It’s important to understand our pasts and how that effects our present, but it’s definitely a healthy attitude to know that we control our future.

Mine does too.

He's never said it.

Thank god its highlighted or I wouldn't know what part to read.

Wow ok do you have some advice for me to become the same?

It is possible to spin your wheels and not go anywhere. Having goals with externally verifiable and objective criteria helps

Also you are fighting against time (age, decay, entropy) so even maintaining can be a victory, albeit a somewhat depressing one

I completely agree 🙏 my bad, its just that i felt what you said would make people fear or think they have to do things with urgency

The left one felt like being a mom for the first time with a baby

The fear dissipates when you face it head on, at least it did for me.

I don’t have anything to fear anymore. I know I can be present and face hard things no matter what comes my way.

All of my greatest fears have become my greatest gifts and strengths

Edit: facing fears doesn’t mean no longer experiencing fear as an emotion. Emotions occur for a reason, they help protect us. Facing fears mean recognizing when an emotion is giving you helpful feedback and you should heed it versus an emotion that is helpful but not under the current context.

For example, climate change has always been one of my biggest fears and though it is real, I don’t need to live and inhabit the space of that fear. I can say “thank you body for informing me this threat is existential, I will do what I can, but I am also letting this emotion go”.

As opposed to, “I am on the edge of a cliff and am afraid I will fall off” facing that fear doesn’t mean walking up to the ledge. It means sitting down, telling your body “we are safe and yes, it is very high so we will be cautious while up here but we are in control and we can let the fear go”

It also breeds fear

Ahh i do heavily agree tho, gratitude is extremely important

I believe balance is the word here

It's never too late to try something new!

as a doctor... your future self will thank you. being a physician has been my greatest regret. from the outside its a glorified existence but doing it is soul crushing. burnout is real, suicide ideation is real. don't do it. there are easier and less damaging ways to achieve your goals whether thats social prestige, wealth or working in medicine.

as a motivator your goals will change over time. you should figure out what without the title. for instance if a job lets say ceo makes 10 million dollars a year. would you take the stress and crazy work hours if that role made 40k? if the answer is no then you really don't want to be a ceo you want money. so then the question is how do you make that money. through a lot of trial and error kf those questions you'll find what you really want.

it might take time and experience. i thought i wanted to be a doctor until i became one. dont feel bad exploring

Personally it helps me make the most out of finite things

If I think from a standpoint of abundance it’s so easy for me to be wasteful and take it for granted

I don’t wanna spend my summers indoors if I think about how I barely have any days of summer left

Hope that makes sense! Definitely not a one size fits all approach, but it helps me 😄

I think you’re missing OPs point. Awareness of scarcity breeds gratitude.

Gratitude is the most powerful human emotion. It literally rewires our brains.

It’s not that any one experience is better than another it’s that all are limited and deserving of our attention, mindfulness, and gratitude in each moment.

It’s sounds like you need some distance from your parents. I would recommend moving away if you still live at home and seriously reducing contact to focus on your own growth. Regardless if moving is possible, you need to find a way to build a boundary. Their expectations are their problem. You’re task is it find ways to be present and be happy, and also to build towards a better future.

I recommend the book The Courage to Be Happy. I’ve read it 4 or 5 times now.

If you want to be a doctor, then go become a doctor. If you really want to be a doctor, you’ll get there. Submitting late applications proves to everyone involved that you’re not ready to start medical school. They did you a favour by rejecting you. It would have been worse to invest the time and money into a future that you don’t want or are not ready for.