Sorry about that friend

It really sounds like you're self-medicating depression and anxiety. (I realize you are also on actual medication for these two issues.) It feels to me like you need more proper support for those two conditions--maybe a different combo of meds, or someone to talk to, or a hobby you find more motivating than exercise to distract you from your workday.

I'd like to say change jobs if yours is literally driving you to drink, but I know that that is likely not an option. I'm guessing you're internalizing sone things about your work that you need to externalize. If you have anxieties about your performance that are honestly due to you underperforming, try to work on that so that you feel better about yourself and your contribution. But if you have anxieties that are due to factors that are largely or wholly outside your control, try to remember that it's not your sole job to make everything perfect. Practice "acting your wage" mentally. Don't give the job mental time that it is not paying you for.

(I know that last part is easier said than done. But it takes a kind of mental discipline. Unless you NEED to think about something for work in your off hours, tell yourself a firm "no" when you start to think about it, and forcibly find something else to think about. Even if you literally have to make something up. After a while it becomes more natural.)

Well I am very different six months after starting my new job, but it just feels not enough.

I'm my biggest disappointment ever since I had a major depressive episode that led to me switching majors and setting five years of college aside for 4 and 1/2 years studying a different area.

I constantly feel five years behind and failing the grand mission I set for myself back when the depressive episode happened. Even the "good" things I do feel like punishment because I view the objective of personal happiness and grow as vain, narcissistic and self-centered. Yes at the same time I feel like I'm not cut for politics or starting a big business to have the messianic influence I hoped to have to atone for I don't even know what.

I have simultaneously pride, perfectionism, loss of faith, despair, shame, guilt and low self-esteem, and I barely reduced the pressure I put myself under (something my therapist brought up).

No matter what I do, it never feels enough. Yet I can't allow myself to go seek peace/enlightenment through meditation cause my ego is too scared of getting destroyed.

Saving this. Thank you for sharing. I’ve gone through this too only I didn’t preserve like you did. After reading this, I’m going to try again. Thank you ❤️

I like to use carbonated beverages ( sparkling water, soda) to replace the alcohol drink. Not going to help get you motivated but helps when you aren't feeling motivated and just want to sit and relax while curbing the feeling of wanting a drink.

That sounds like a good way to approach it! Of course that does still require to at least know you want to learn Japanese..

You need to not use alcohol as an reward.

You can start with Meditations, but Ryan Holiday has a great book called the Daily Stoic that gives you daily excerpts from the Stoics along with brief explanations and reflections.

I read the Daily Stoic first, and then read Meditations, as well as some works by Epictetus and Seneca.

Yes, Meditations. And I’m a she. :)

That's a tough situation for anyone and I'm sorry you are having to live with it.

With effort, support - and the inevitable setbacks along the way - it is realistic to expect to turn this vicious cycle around in to a virtuous cycle of living a fulfilling life. Ignore those who will tell you it is easy. Listen to those who will tell you it is worth it.

​

Best.

The NA market is exploding right now. NA wine, beer (of all varieties), and spirits.

For some, it can be a good alternative if you want something to sip on or just miss the taste.

If someone’s an actual alcoholic I would steer clear of NA options, however.

Hot yoga. It is intense, physically challenging, requiring focus, concentration but perfectly stimulating in every way. By the end you are physically spent, yet mentally focused and calm, spiritually fulfilled and emotionally balanced. Follow it with a bubble bath or shower (you’ll need it) and the night is yours to relax.

All I know is I got bills to pay and mouths to feed

I found that what did it for me was ALSO quitting vaping (on Monday) and then miserably failing (on Friday night). I was so happy to continue vaping that weekend that I didn’t even give alcohol a thought. This worked so well that I haven’t thought of drinking again. Not once. It’s been a month now. So, if you happen to vape, quit for a full work week in tandem with quitting alcohol. When the weekend rolls around I think you will see how useful this technique is. If you don’t happen to vape, maybe you could do this with something else, like video games, carbs, weed, or anything else you do on a daily basis.

When you do it too much, you become task paralyzed and end up doing nearly nothing.

This is actually a really important point that plays into the behavioral science of changing habits. The ritual of making (or ordering) something can be replaced with a new, non-threatening version: a hydrating, sweet, savory, or refreshing drink.

You can build an entirely new ritual around *drinking* some non-alcoholic thing. Practicing appreciating its flavor or how refreshing it is can also help be a distraction. It also gets a glass into your hand, so it checks the box for that muscle memory too.

Ideas: get into brewing tea, making milkshakes, trying new spritzes or soda flavors, flavor water with fruits, or squeeze your own orange juice each afternoon after work. If you are caffeine tolerant, creating your own mixed coffee or iced coffee shot could work too.

Alcohol is like eating a dry steak. Sobriety is the filet minion. You can eat that dry steak and tell yourself it's ok, but you know deep down the filet is better.

Ricky, that you?

My reasons for cutting alcohol is due to a health scare I had last year - I was admitted to the hospital at the urging of my doctor.

I was going through what appeared to be liver disease - mottled skin, itchiness, abdominal pain, brown urine, yellowing eyes, severe dehydration, etc.

I was so dehydrated that the nurses had to use a special IV needle and an ultrasound to try and find a vein they could put the needle in, and it took at least half an hour to find a vein. It took another 45 minutes to get four/five vials of blood.

After the doctors reviewed my blood work, I had a nurse tell me that I was now a priority to be seen, as my liver’s enzymes were extremely high.

It turned out my issues were caused by my gallbladder having sludge (and maybe gallstones - there were none they could find, but it looked like I might have already passed them). apparently gallbladder sludge can be caused by excessive drinking.

After the doctors cleaned out the sludge, my body went back to normal and I quit drinking.

I don’t want to go through that again.

Listen to this podcast on the physical effects of alcohol, remembering how damaging it is helps me not turn to it. Also I really got into tea, just the ritual of making a cup and savoring it after work helps me decompress just like a glass of wine did. It takes time because you're essentially making a new habit. Just take it one day at a time. Also, r/stopdrinking is very motivating.

Finding a proper healthy outlet is key! Detox your body! Takes 21 days to form a new habit?! Try to be sober for 21 days and see how you feel

I’m trying to understand what you are trying to accomplish.

You mentioned you want to be happy, present, forgetful, and still.

I hate to say this because the thought of it makes me cringe.

You might benefit from meditation. It doesn’t work for me because I never want to be still. It does work for a lot of people.

Otherwise, try to think of things not alcohol that can help you accomplish your goals.

Maybe you don’t really want to be still, you just don’t know what to do with all your energy. In that case maybe some form of exercise would be nice. I also try to mix in as much sexual activity as possible. It’s so good for all of the things you mentioned.

By replacing the booze with sweets/candy, chocolate and chilli Doritos for me :D

It's hard, first weekend is the toughest but after that I find it gets easier as you'll feel the benefits. Better sleep and skin, more energy, more refreshed, less anxiety etc.

I'm not teetotal - far from it but I try 3-4 times a year to go off the booze for 3-4 weeks and mostly always manage. It's just habit really. Good luck.

I'm not alcoholic, but I think remplacing an addiction with a harmless one works well. Try teas or infusion, I agree it won't be as enjoyable, but once you find the right one it does the trick, plus the warm touch is nice, during winter!

The glory that was Rome!!